Tuesday, December 28, 2010

more like advanced calculus

"We've become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China, do you think the Chinese would have called off the game? People would have been marching down to the stadium, they would have walked and they would have been doing calculus on the way down."

Thanks Ed Rendell for the enlightening comment. I really appreciate how you managed to turn an interview about the delay of an American football game into Yellow Fever. It's also really considerate how you included a math related stereotype. Keep it classy, Governor Rendell.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

merry christmas!

from me and the gang. I've spent my Christmas eating great food, receiving and giving gifts, and watching Love Actually with my mom. More Christmas movies to follow, currently The Muppets Christmas Carol, later the Doctor Who Christmas Special. And I can justify all of this television, because after all, Christmas is all around.

hope that your Christmas is warm and lovely. tell me all about it!

Monday, December 20, 2010

none the wiser

I went to the doctor's today and they said that I can stop using crutches. My excitement was short lived, as I had to get my wisdom teeth removed two hours later.

I was assured by the nurse that I would not be awake during the procedure- but that might have been a laughing gas induced figment. Figment or not, I was awake while my teeth were being pulled out. But I was traveling around in a state of partial consciousness, where my mind was independent from my quickly exhausting body. Sometimes I fought to keep my eyes open to show the dentist that I was capable. Of what, I'm not certain. I just thought that by staring at the dentist, he'd understand that I was a very intelligent person.

that's laughing gas logic for you.

Also going through my head during the entire ordeal was Hamlet's soliloquy- one of the most destinct memories that I have is of getting the laughing gas mask put over my nose and being told to sleep, to which I responded "to sleep perchance to dream". Some people get nervous. I go thespian.

I attempted to acknowledge the removal of my teeth once during the procedure by asking a level headed question- which would, no doubt, prove to be highly eloquent and be told to all dentists in the tristate area. My story, the story of the most eloquent wisdom teeth removal patient ever. I would be hailed as a poster child for oral surgery everywhere.

What I meant to say was "Are you done with the upper and lower wisdom teeth on the left side?" What came out was entirely different, and consisted of "Arrrrruuudun teeefffflef?" and then maybe followed by some profuse bleeding from my mouth.

And this is how I can explain and justify why my kitchen now has large amounts of pudding, jello mixes, apple sauce, and pain killers in it. If you see a tiny manila envelope at the end of the island, open with care. It contains four wisdom teeth that are likely still covered in dried blood.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

don't judge,


This is just how my life is sometimes. And when it isn't like this, I make it this way, because I don't know how to respond otherwise.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The coolest poem

was written for me in history class.


acrostic poems are the way to go. the more nonsensical, the better.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

one week

since you looked at me, threw your arms in the air and said you're crazy.

just kidding. it's been one week (and some change) since I got my stress fracture confirmed.

in the first two days I knit three scarves, and watched more tv than could possibly be helpful.
after four days, the school week started and I went to school on crutches, which is more humiliating and exhausting than it should be.

dear school,
you are not handicapped accessible. I have a stress fracture. It's not even a real handicap and you're still making this difficult for me. I'm late for most of my classes now, and I feel terrible because I make the people helping me late for classes. sure, teachers aren't exactly mad at me for coming in late, but considering each class period is 45 minutes, I'm missing a considerable part of the overall learning experience. please invest in hoverboards like back to the future.
with love,

I am physically capable of walking, which is the worst part. I can do it, I'm just not allowed to for fear of worsening the fracture. So, when I get to the point where I've made two people ten minutes late for their class because they're too kind to tell me to hurry up while trying to get up a flight of steps, I put my foot down (literally. oh gosh wow I'm funny.) and walk.

I hop up and down stairs because I don't really know how to use crutches properly. I can't open doors, and the immense weight of my backpack is getting cumbersome.

my coach doesn't think I'm really injured.

here's a secret: although I'm sure that I sound confident and capable of communication here, I am not actually this suave in real life. (I'll give you a moment to collect yourself. this must be a huge shock, and will likely cause some form of mental breakdown.) I can't very adequately communicate with authoritative figures. I stumble over my speech, and I'm really no good at that at all. I like my coach, I really do. But, I don't think that he understands my awkwardness or the fact that I'm positively incapable of doing really supposedly simple things, like using crutches in the rain or getting up and down steps. no, I am not acting about this injury, and yes, I really am so incompetent that I can't maneuver around on them when there is any sort of precipitation or incline. sorry.

here's another secret: it feels so much better. I'm curious how much longer I'm going to need crutches, because I'm not limping when I walk (half the time) and my other foot is starting to hurt from all the hopping.

I wish that I had something more interesting to say, but let's be serious: I'm pretty average.